Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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