I think my fart just growled at me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am naked and annoyed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
