so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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