he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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