I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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