i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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