i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize