Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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