I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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