You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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