Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize