I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
