it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
