hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
