Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
