we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
