i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
