Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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