I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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