If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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