Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
