so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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