I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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