Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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