I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
