everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
