I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Operation Purity has been aborted
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
