BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
