Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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