:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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