the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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