I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I need moral support for this bender
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize