so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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