Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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