what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
