Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
