i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
