Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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