Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
