So drunk its hurt
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...