Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cannot find my penis.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
