i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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