oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
