We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
