You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
