Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
