No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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