I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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