ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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