I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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