Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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