my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
