im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
