Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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