i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
